I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
