All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
