White coat. Heels.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
