Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
