I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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