You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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