I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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