Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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