when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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