i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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