Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Randomize
