thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
