i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
