I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We are all done wearing pants today
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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