Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
