This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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