I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
