dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
