i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
