Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
