My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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