I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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