Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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