Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize