Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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