A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
