bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
