Define "chronic" masturbator.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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