Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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