seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
