The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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