we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
