Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
