atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
