Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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