i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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