i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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