Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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