What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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