Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
