I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
