Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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