I just saw a hot homeless man
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
