we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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