Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
