I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
