I wanna passion pit in your ass
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
