And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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