I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
