when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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