My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
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So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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