I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize