Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
