Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
