u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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