So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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