ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
