Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
sex in a hospital.. check
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
