Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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