Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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