im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
then he tried to convert me to islam
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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