Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
