Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
