Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
whose parrot is this?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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