JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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