Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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