carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
