I'm jealous of your bromance
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
