There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I looked at my own cervix.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
