So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
