His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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