FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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