I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
