It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You've changed since you got that strap on
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
