She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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