Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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