WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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