I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
