Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
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The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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