Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
