farters have to be the big spoon...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
